1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？） 2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头） 3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……” 4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！ 你会泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！ 如果以上全不通过，请在自己的裤兜里找个热乎地方烘干，四天后洗裤子！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，保持一天口齿清新；至于洗脸，用牛奶，因为纯天然，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；晚上泡脚用哈啤，让血液循环通畅，可以消除一日的疲劳；洗发用红牛，让每根发丝都兴奋起来。
6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，要买则需一次购买100万个，不少一个便失收藏价值。
7.now is not a good time to do business! Old man: Why? Little girl: “The bird flu”
8.according to the rules, if you accuse someone of being a one-man army or an eagle-like handsome guy, they will be dragged out and beaten until they are bald and blind.
9.this weekend, I won’t accept any gifts; the only gift I want is mineral water! A young man holds up not chocolate or roses but bottled mineral water – My eyes are only on you!
10.at roll call after class, if you’re absent, your final grade will be deducted by half a point! When he skipped over one brother's name without realizing it, he shouted loudly: "Teacher, you missed one!" An old teacher looked down and said with a smile: "There isn't any..."
