1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？） 2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头） 3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……” 4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！ 你会泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，去除异味，保持一天口齿清新，让你倍增自信；至于洗脸，不成问题，用牛奶，纯天然，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；同时，每位学姐学妹还可根据自己的偏好选择苹果味、草莓味、果蔬味等各种香型；晚上泡脚用酸奶，因为乳酸菌能有效清除积淀一日的面部污垢；洗发用红牛，让每根发丝都兴奋起来，使其充满活力和潇洒飘逸。
6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，每个形态各异，要买就是一次买100万个，那样才收藏价值高赚翻……
7.now business is not good, right? 老大: Why? 小姐: “Avian influenza”
8.According to the rumors, anyone who accuses the handsome guy (Xiaoming) or the stylish guy (Haoxiao) of doing something bad will be dragged out and beaten up! The perpetrator will have their eyes gouged out, hair pulled out, face splashed with sulfuric acid, teeth knocked out, tongue cut off and used as a club – including Mimi too!
9.No gifts this weekend; only mineral water is accepted! 表白的小伙子手里拿的是不再是巧克力和玫瑰，而是娃哈哈矿泉水——我的眼里只有你!!
10.The teacher announced that if you are absent during roll call at the end of the term, your grade will be deducted by 50 points! When he reached "brother," he suddenly skipped over it without realizing it. So he shouted loudly: "Teacher, you missed one!" The year-old old teacher looked down and said with a smile: "There isn't any..."
11.Harbin City's water stop is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!
12.A girl encountered a robber and trembled as she said: “I'm from Minjiang University; I just graduated but haven't found a job yet...” The robber listened in tears and said with pain in his voice: “Sister-in-law, I'm also from Minjiang University; take good care of your certificate; there won't be any robbers ahead – we absolutely won’t rob our own people!”
13.(Harbin Institute of Technology) I asked worriedly about an earthquake rumor circulating around Harbin saying that when it happens what should we do? My boyfriend replied confidently that at least then I wouldn’t need to move myself...
14.I hate two kinds of people:
15.Playing CS online while watching someone wearing glasses charging forward shouting "51" on his weapon handle with bottom text written ——“wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!”
16.Sleep tight~ Teacher says today's class ends here... woke up~
标签： 情人节搞笑段子短句 、 愚人节的搞笑段子 、 十秒笑到断气的搞笑段子 、 搞笑相声段子 、 七夕搞笑段子
