1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）
2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）
3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”
4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？
回答：有没有想过，在家里种个大棚，自己种点蔬菜呀？这样不仅可以解决食物问题，还能避免外出传染疾病呢！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：
刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，去除异味，让你的牙齿保持一天的清新；
洗脸用牛奶，无刺激性，同时还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；
晚上泡脚用酸奶，因为乳酸菌能有效清除一天的污垢；
洗发用红牛，让每根发丝都兴奋起来，以充满活力和潇洒飘逸为目标。
6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，形态各异，要买就得一次买100万个，一少一个就失去收藏价值，这不是赚翻了嘛！
7.now business is not good!
Old man: Why?
Girl: "Avian influenza"
8.does anyone know why the student union president resigned? Because he was tired of being asked to resign!
9.this weekend, no gifts, only mineral water will be accepted! A boy holds a bottle of mineral water instead of chocolates or roses and says, "My eyes are only for you!!"
10.at the end-of-term roll call, if you're absent, your grade will be deducted by 50 points! The teacher skipped over one name and someone shouted out, "Teacher, you missed one!" The old teacher looked down and said, "No... I didn't."
11.Harbin's water shortage is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!
12.a girl who was robbed trembled and said,"I'm from the mining college; I just graduated but haven't found a job yet..." The robber burst into tears saying,"Sister-in-law is also from mining college; take your certificate well ahead; we won't rob our own people!"
13.(Harbin University) I: Rumor has it that Harbin will have an earthquake? What should we do when it happens in XX?
Boyfriend: That would be perfect; no need for me to move.
14.I hate two types of people:
One with racial prejudice;
Two black people;
Three those who don't know how to count!
15.playing CS online saw a glasses-wearing gangster holding a '51' straight forward with the line below - "wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!"
16.won't wake up~ Teacher said one sentence - “Today's class ends here….” Woke up~
17.in the dorms where SG just learned to play the violin - so sharp that it felt like scratching nails on a pot bottom... Out of kindness they didn’t criticize him.
18.same-room girl wants to get married ~~~ Occasional teasing ~
19.classmate reports work to leader: Our school party members are 14 in number while male students are 8.
20.asked food court staff about something warm for cold weather,
21.if replying were virtue then I'd already be divine!
22.thought ML with girlfriend ~ “Can’t do,” agreed ~ Said OK when told could wash “a part”. Washed face afterwards got very flustered saying “Wash where?”
23.a blind beggar wearing sunglasses begging on the street,
24.singing in dorms: “I haven’t been big brother for many years/I don’t love cold bedsides…” Someone yelled out immediately afterward saying,”Big brother please stop singing!”
标签： 100个搞笑幽默段子 、 情人节搞笑段子短句 、 愚人节的搞笑段子 、 调侃情人节搞笑段子 、 搞笑段子短句
