1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）
2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）
3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”
4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！ 你会泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：
刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，保持一天口齿清新，让你倍增自信；
至于洗脸，不成问题，用牛奶，纯天然，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；
晚上泡脚用酸奶，因为乳酸菌能有效清除积淀一天的面部污垢；
洗发用红牛，让每根发丝都兴奋起来。
6.其实，我们应该设计奥运吉祥物为“百万雄师过大江”，形态各异，但必须一次性购买100万个，以保证收藏价值。
7.now business is not good!
Older brother: Why?
Little sister: "The avian influenza"
8.According to legend, anyone who dares to offend the handsome boys or the dashing boys will be dragged out and beaten mercilessly! Cut off their eyes, pull out their hair, pour sulfuric acid on their faces, knock out their teeth, cut off their tongues, and make them into walking sticks!
9.This weekend we don't accept gifts; we only accept mineral water! The boy holding a bottle of mineral water said with a smile in his eyes: My love is only for you!!
10.During roll call after class if you're absent your final grade will be deducted by 50 points! When he reached "older brother", he jumped over it without hesitation, so he shouted loudly: Teacher, you missed one!
11.Harbin's water stoppage is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!
12.A girl being robbed trembled and said: I'm from the mining college; I just graduated but haven't found a job yet... The robber heard this and burst into tears saying: Sister-in-law are also from our college; take good care of your certificate; there won't be any robbing among ourselves!
13.(Harbin Institute of Technology) I mentioned rumors about Harbin having an earthquake? What should we do when that happens at XX?
Boyfriend: Then I'll lie on top of you so you won't need to move yourself.
14.I hate two kinds of people:
One who has racial prejudice;
Two who are black;
Three who can't count!
15.Playing CS (Counter-Strike), someone saw an eyeglasses-wearing thug pushing forward with a straight line marked as "51" towards him while shouting below -
"I am an agent follow me!!"
16.Too many times woke up~ Teacher said one sentence - “Today's lesson ends here….” Woke up~
17.In the dormitory where SG had just learned to play the violin,
the sound was like scraping nails on a pot bottom... sharp sounds stimulating everyone's eardrums,
out of kindness they didn’t criticize him.
One afternoon when he was playing,
the door opened suddenly,
and Auntie checking hygiene came in sternly saying:
Who in our dormitory is using an illegal electric heater?!
18.The same bedmate wants her teacher’s admiration~ So she says with envy:
It’s so easy now!
I added fuel to fire saying:
And no mandatory marriage check!
She then cheerfully exclaimed,
Then bring back some man from outside street corner say “we’re together”
I fell down before getting up.
19.Brother reports work to leader:
We have 14 party members in our class;
Leader responds:
There aren’t any?
20.Asks canteen staff what food helps keep warm during cold weather?
Answers:
Eating cotton helps keep warm~
21.If replying comments were virtue,
I would already be divine!
22.Wanting ML (making love) with girlfriend says no way,
then agrees since it’s cold time can wash 'part'. Washed clean,
girlfriend blushed sweetly telling him which part
to wash...
23.One blind beggar wearing sunglasses begs on the street.
A drunk stumbles upon him feeling sorry for him
and throws RMB100 at him.
After walking away,
the drunk turns around just in time
seeing that blind beggar examining carefully
a RMB100 note wondering if it's genuine or fake.
Drunk yells grabbing back money,
"You damn fool don’t want to live anymore?
You're trying to scam old man!"
Blind beggar looked upset saying,"Big Brother
Sorry please..."
24.Certain person sings karaoke song
in dormitory room:"I haven’t been Big Brother many years
I don’t love icy bedsides..."
Immediately someone shouts,”Big Brother please stop singing!”
