1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）
2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）
3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”
4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？
回答：有没有想过，在家里种个大棚，自己种点蔬菜呀？这样不仅可以解决食物问题，还能避免外出传染疾病呢！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：
刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，去除异味，让你的牙齿保持一天的清新；
洗脸用牛奶，无刺激性，同时还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；
晚上泡脚用酸奶，因为乳酸菌能有效清除一天的面部污垢；
洗发用红牛，让每根发丝都兴奋起来，加强洗发效果。
6.其实，如果奥运吉祥物设计得像“百万雄师过大江”，那就太酷炫啦，每个人都可以收藏一个独一无二的吉祥物！
7.now is not a good time to do business, you know.
8.According to rumors, anyone who dares to offend the handsome guy or the cool guy will be dragged out and beaten up! Even MIMI won't be spared!
9.This weekend, no gifts allowed; only mineral water accepted!
10.The teacher asked if there was anyone absent during roll call, but accidentally skipped one name: "Teacher, you missed someone!" said a student with a grin.
11.Harbin's water shortage is sponsored by Nongfu Spring this time!
12.A girl faced off against an armed robber who trembled and said: "I'm from the Mining University, just graduated, we really don't have any money..." The robber burst into tears and said: "Sister, I'm also from the Mining University! Take your ID card and go ahead; we won't rob our own kind!"
13.(HIT) If Harbin is going to have an earthquake? What should we do in XX then? My boyfriend smiled mischievously and replied: "Don't worry about it; I'll take care of everything above you."
14.I hate two kinds of people:
15.When playing CS online game,
16.Waking up late... The teacher stopped class early today...
17.In our dormitory,
18.My friend wanted me to help her get married... So I told her that getting married these days is as easy as buying an identity card for nine yuan...
19.The party secretary reported that our class has 14 party members among whom eight are male students.
20.What should we eat during cold weather?
21.If replying comments were considered a virtue,
22.I once told my girlfriend that since it's cold outside she could wash her private parts too... She blushed deeply while telling me what those words meant.
23.A blind beggar wearing sunglasses on the street corner made a drunkard throw away his hundred-yuan bill after recognizing him was actually helping someone else go pee.
24.Someone in our dormitory sang loudly: “I haven’t been Big Brother for many years...” Someone immediately yelled back at him: “Big Brother please stop singing!”
25.It’s better for China not to have any virgins than Japan having one!
26.Interesting question – which type of person has a high chance of catching avian flu?
27."Excuse me," he whispered urgently into my ear at work today," can you please speak louder?" His eyes darted nervously around us before settling back on mine." You're right," he continued quietly," I am indeed Westinghouse."
28.The other day when my girlfriend asked me what some word meant in English homework,
29.During childhood fantasies – becoming emperor or solving Rubik's Cube;
30.A recent graduate had finally achieved his dream after five years' hard work - earning his inter-disciplinary PhD degree;
31.Pandemics caused by bird droppings (literally)!
32.Two types of people are most likely to catch avian flu - animal-like individuals or those who aren’t even human yet!
33.The real strength of a nation lies not only in its military might but also its ability to accept others like rivers accepting tributaries;
34.Get lost again if you keep causing trouble!
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