1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）
2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）
3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”
4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲户家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：
刷牙用白醋，因为它能杀灭细菌、清除异味，同时保持一天口齿清新，让人倍增自信；
洗脸可用牛奶，它是纯天然的，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；
晚上泡脚可以使用哈啤，因为它既松骨又润肤，可以消除一天的学习疲劳；
6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，每个都是一百万个，都要买才能收藏价值高。
7.now business is bad to do! 老大：why? 小姐：“avian flu”
8.say something wrong, you will be dragged out and beaten up! 戳瞎眼睛拔光头发泼一脸硫酸敲掉牙齿割掉舌头做棍，
9.this weekend, no gifts, only mineral water! 表白的小伙子手里拿的是娃哈哈矿泉水——我的眼里只有你!!
10.class attendance check if absent deduct 50 points from final grade! 忽然他大喊了一声：“老师，你漏点了！”
11.haerbin city stop water by nongfu spring exclusively!
12.a girl being robbed trembled and said: “I am a graduate of the university of mining and metallurgy; I just graduated but have not found a job yet….”
13.(ha'erbin university) i: rumor says haerbin is going to have an earthquake? what should we do then?
14.i hate two kinds of people:
one who has racial prejudice;
two who are black;
three who cannot count!
15.playing cs game, saw someone wearing "51" glasses rushing forward with a straight face below saying "i am dang yuan, follow me!!!”
16.wake up when teacher says class ends... woke up...
17.in the dormitory where sg learned to play the violin; its sound was like scratching on a pot bottom... sharp sounds that stimulated our eardrums; we tried not to discourage him.
18.sister did so enviously in front of us ~~偶 as discouragement said: “no need for that much effort; it's easy now; just give your id card for nine bucks and you can get married.”
19.told leader about class party members: there are fourteen in total, eight male.
20.asked food court staff about warming up during cold weather: eating cotton candy helps keep warm~
21.if replying were a virtue, i would already be divine!
22.thought of seducing my girlfriend but she said no when I asked her to wash part of my body after brushing teeth; she looked very shy afterwards saying “dear, please rest while i wash this part…” before falling asleep ~~~ (gigantic hidden shame)
23.a blind beggar wearing sunglasses begging on the street was stopped by someone drunk throwing one hundred yuan at him.
24.someone sings in the dormitory room: “i haven't been big brother for many years… i don't love cold bedsides…”. immediately someone yelled out loud asking him not to sing anymore!
25.rather than china having no virgin men or japan having any virgins!
26.interacting with foreign language college students at shanghai jiaotong university told them he came from shanghai jiaotong university too.
27.my westinghouse phone quality is terrible please speak louder hr replied they were from westinghouse company’s mobile department he replied ya ya westinghouse phones are great clear voices durable materials etc..
28.after learning new words together couple asks boy what they mean boy scratches head forgets tells girl hit him instead tells meaning later again couple goes self study girl asks boy same word meaning boy blushes scratches head recalls only remembering being hit by girl earlier
29.at age three said wanted to grow up become emperor mom laughed thirteen years old wanted become next generation chen jinquan mom laughed recently called home told mom actually want be your twenty plus years never blooming tulip dad angry grabbed phone shouted sonnyboy finally learn hide truth!!
30.after five long years finally got phd degree excitedly went socialistic market economy center discovered none recruiting positions walked mountains crossed rivers climbed mountains descended valleys till found non-graduated employer presented all research achievements HR unimpressed until added these achievements would benefit humanity twenty years later HR enthusiastic hired let pay salary twenty years later
标签： 脑筋急转弯100个带答案 、 一问一答冷笑话 、 一般人猜不到的谜语 、 儿童笑话100则 、 冷笑话段子爆笑逗女朋友开心
