1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）
2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）
3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”
4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲户家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：
刷牙用白醋，因为它能杀灭细菌、清除异味，同时保持一天口齿清新，让人倍增自信；
洗脸可用牛奶，它是纯天然的，无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤；
晚上泡脚可以使用哈啤，因为它既能松骨润肤，又能活血通络，可以消除一天的学习疲劳；
洗发时尝试使用红牛，这样可以刺激发根，让每根发丝都兴奋起来，充满活力。
6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，每一个形态各异，要买的话得一次买100万个，不然收藏价值就会大打折扣。
7.now business is not good, right?
Old man: Why?
Girl: It's because of the bird flu.
8.there are two kinds of people who will be beaten up by a certain someone (青尘): those who call him out and those who don't know what he looks like.
9.This weekend, I won't accept any gifts; I'll only accept bottled mineral water! The boy holding a bouquet of flowers said, "My eyes are only on you!!"
10.when the teacher calls roll in class and doesn't reach your name, you shout back loudly, "Teacher, you missed one!"
11.Harbin City's water stoppage is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!
12.a girl being robbed trembles and says, "I'm from Minjiang University; I just graduated but haven't found a job yet..." The robber starts crying upon hearing this and says to her with tears streaming down his face,"Sister-in-law (a term used to address an older woman), take care of your proof; we won't rob our own kind here!"
13.(Hefei University) Me: There's a rumor that Harbin will have an earthquake? What should we do if it happens while we're at XX? Boyfriend: Then I'll be above you already~ no need for me to move!
14.I hate two types of people:
those with racial discrimination;
blacks;
illiterates!
15.playing CS online game when suddenly sees someone wearing sunglasses running towards them shouting "51" followed by a line written below saying “wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!”
16.difficult to wake up ~ Teacher says one sentence “Today’s lesson ends here….” Wakes up~
17.in the dormitory where SG just learned how to play the violin; his sounds were as if scratching on pot lids with fingernails... sharp sounds that stimulated everyone's eardrums despite their effort not to criticize him.
18.the same batch MM wants something so enviously... Oddly enough while she was doing it without shame~~
19.Teacher reports work progress: Our school has 14 party members among which 8 are boys.
20.asked food court staff about what food can help keep warm during cold weather... Answer given was eating cotton balls would help keep warm~
标签： 18个超级冷笑话爆笑 、 每天一则 、 幼儿谜语大全3 5岁 、 笑话大全 冷笑话 、 最有趣的冷笑话
