1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？） 2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头） 3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……” 4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？ 回答：你工作了没？那就去单位拉！ 你上学了没？那就去学校拉！ 你有朋友吗？那就去朋友家拉！ 你有亲戚吗？那就去亲戚家拉！ 你有车吗？那就去野外拉！ 你会泳吗？那就去游泳馆拉！ 如果以上全不通过，请拉在自己的裤兜里，找个热乎地方烘干，四天后洗裤子！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，为助大家顺利度过缺水期，我们特提供以下应急方案：刷牙用白醋，不仅能杀灭细菌，还能除异味，让你的口腔清新如初；至于洗脸，用牛奶既温和又滋润，无需担心皮肤的刺激；而晚上泡脚，用哈啤酒既松骨又活血，可以缓解一天的疲劳。洗发时，可使用红牛，它不仅可以刺激发根，还能让每一根秀发都充满活力。
6.其实奥运吉祥物本应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，形态各异，每一个都是独一无二的宝贝，只要一次购买，就能收藏价值十足。
7.now business is bad! Old Big: Why? Little Beauty: "The bird flu" Old Big: Oh, so it's like that.
8.The rumor goes that anyone who dares to offend the handsome young man named Xiao Ma or the handsome young man named Hu Ge will be dragged out and beaten up! They'll have their eyes gouged out, their hair pulled out, and their faces splashed with acid before being knocked out and having their teeth pulled!
9.This weekend we won't accept any gifts; we only accept mineral water! The boy holding the bottle of mineral water in his hand isn't giving chocolates or roses anymore; he's saying, "My eyes are only on you!!"
10.When the teacher takes roll call after class, if you're not present, your final grade will be deducted by 50 points! Just as I was about to jump over my name when I heard it said aloud again... I shouted loudly, "Teacher, you skipped over me!" The old teacher looked down at me with a smile and said there was no mistake.
11.Harbin City has stopped providing tap water for four days due to a technical issue from Nanfeng Spring!
12.A woman met a thief who trembled as she said, "I'm from Minzu University; I just graduated but haven't found a job yet..." The thief burst into tears upon hearing this and said sternly to her friend nearby, "Don't mess with us; we're all from Minzu University too!"
13.I hate two types of people: those who practice racial discrimination...
14.The CS player saw someone wearing goggles labeled "51" charging forward recklessly while playing online games. Underneath it read in bold letters—'wo shi dang yuan,' which means 'I am an officer' followed by 'follow me!!!'
15.Besides shaking him awake nonstop... When the teacher announced that today's class would come to an abrupt end...
16.A dormmate tried learning how to play the violin but his screeching sounds were like using fingernails on a pot bottom... hurting everyone's ears without mercy.
17.During lunch break at school one day...
18.Sister-in-law asked Brother-in-law for help because she couldn’t get married due to poverty ...
19.One student reported during class discussion that there were 14 party members in our class among whom eight were male students...
20.Why does Harbin stop providing tap water during winter?
21.If posting comments is considered virtuous then I must be an angel!
22.A blind beggar wore sunglasses while begging on the street corner... A drunkard came along feeling sorry for him so threw RMB100 at him.
23.Five years ago when he was three years old,
24.Instead of getting angry at each other over nothing,
25.To prevent China from having no virgins ever again,
26.Two groups of people are most likely affected by avian influenza – (1) those who behave like animals themselves;
27.I'm trying hard not to look like one more time,”
28."You mean you've forgotten already?"
29."Mom," he says sheepishly after realizing what he did wrong earlier,"you know what? You can open your flowers now."
30.Before graduating from college last year,
31禽流感——就是因为那些叫屎惹祸的人们啊！
32.Anyone who gets infected with bird flu has almost zero chance — either they're “animal-like”
33.As long as China doesn’t become complacent after its victory,”
标签： 史上最好笑的笑话大全 、 答案很黄的脑筋急转弯 、 各种谜语大全及答案 、 儿童脑筋急转弯3-10岁 、 脑筋急转弯搞笑整人的智力题
