1.男孩对女孩说：“如果你愿意，我愿意！！！”（暗语你猜出来了吗？）
2.今天我也当了回“HR”！我看了半天，对乌龟说：“你们谁先动我就买谁！”（HR=猎头）
3.去闲逛，小凤与同学走失，突然商场广播响起：“请小凤小朋友速到二楼广播台，你妈妈在找你……”
4.提问：哈尔滨停水4天，要赶上拉肚子了怎么办？
回答：有没有想过，在家里搞个“生态洗手池”，一边冲水一边唱歌，一不留神，就能把病菌都洗掉啦！
5.今日正午起，工大进入全面停水状态，据说至少四天，为帮大家顺利度过缺水期，特提供以下应急方案：
刷牙用白醋，杀灭细菌，去除异味，让人倍增自信；至于洗脸，不成问题，用牛奶，它纯净无刺激性，还能滋润柔嫩的面部肌肤。
6.其实奥运吉祥物应该设计为“百万雄师过大江”，一共一百万个，要买就得一次买100万个，一少一个就失去收藏价值，这不是赚翻了么？
7.now business is bad, right?
老大：Why?
小姐：“Avian flu”
8.according to legend, anyone who insults the handsome one (青尘) or the handsome guy (羽戈) will be dragged out and beaten! They'll gouge your eyes out, pull off all your hair, pour sulfuric acid on your face, knock out your teeth, cut off your tongue into a club! Including MIMI too!
9.This weekend we won't accept gifts; we'll only accept mineral water! The boy holding the bottle isn't chocolate or roses anymore – it's just bottled water from Wahaha – my eyes are only on you!!
10.at roll call time if you're not here, I deduct 50 points from your final grade! When I called out "brother," I accidentally skipped over it; so he shouted back at me: "Teacher, you missed one!"
11.Harbin City's water stop is sponsored by Nongfu Spring!
12.a girl being robbed trembled and said: “I'm a graduate of Mining University; I've just graduated but haven't found a job yet...” The robber was so moved that he cried bitterly: “Sister-in-law,” take good care of this certificate; ahead of us there are robbers from Mining University – don't worry; we won't rob our own people!”
13.(HIT) Me: Rumor has it Harbin will have an earthquake? What if that happens when we're in XX?
14.I hate two kinds of people:
15.playing CS with someone wearing glasses carrying a sign saying "51" straight towards me with the words written below - "wo shi dang yuan,follow me!!!"
16.wake up shake wake up~ Teacher said something like "...today's class ends here..." woke up~
17.in the dorms someone learned how to play violin recently - those sounds were like scratching pots with nails... sharp noises hurting everyone's eardrums - they tried not to discourage him.
18.My classmate asked for help getting married and my teacher looked envious...
19.Teacher asks his student about party members in their class: There are 14 party members in our class.
20.asked cafeteria staff what food helps keep warm during cold weather.
21.if posting comments was an act of virtue then I would be divine!
22.thinking about telling my girlfriend ML but she refused saying it wasn’t appropriate due to cold weather so she could wash her private parts privately after taking a bath while talking softly as if embarrassed saying “love dear use which part then….”
23.A blind beggar wore sunglasses on the street corner begging for money.
24.singing in dorms:"I haven’t been Big Brother for many years...”
25.please let China have no virgins rather than Japan having any!
26.interacting at Foreign Languages College encountered old classmates from Interdisciplinary Studies College without realizing they recognized him as Interdisciplinary Studies' alumni before asking directly why they knew his school without wearing uniforms nor writing anything on their faces.
27.calling HR office regarding poor quality Westinghouse phone quality wanting them to speak louder HR replied they’re Westinghouse company employees
28.an emotional couple studying together where girl asked boy about word meaning boy scratched head forgetting answer until reminded by girl hitting him lightly later reminding boy again same reaction
29.asking mom during phone call claiming himself as mom’s flower vase waiting to bloom eventually dad took over phone yelling at son for pretending innocence
30.graduating Ph.D., excitedly discovering no companies recruiting PhDs finding unmarked company finally presenting research achievements impressing HR offering work despite lackluster response twenty years later promising prosperity HR agreed hiring him
标签： 小幽默大智慧 、 能上热门的搞笑对话段子 、 幽默搞笑小故事 、 22个最搞笑的笑话笑死人 、 励志的段子精选
